Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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