After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
