This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
