I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
