dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
