So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I party with great urgency now.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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