hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
