I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
