The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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