so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
