96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
