I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
