OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
