did you get engaged???
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
