i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
