I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize