That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
there is puke in my bra ... again
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
