he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
