We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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