Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
