just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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