Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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