I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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