hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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