He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
