Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
do nipples grow back?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
