pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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