I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
