Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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