Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He uses pillows to masturbate.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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