I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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