Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
