tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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