You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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