Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
