Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
