Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize