my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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