how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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