Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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