Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
