I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
