Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
