So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I bet he comes in French.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
