What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
