so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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