the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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