i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
