but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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