I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
third nipple confirmed
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
