You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
