I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
