i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
