Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I've blown a few things in my day
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
