My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
