do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
