WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
