i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize