Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I did not marry a roomba.
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