Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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