Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
