The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
