god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
