Do vagina's smell?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
