Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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