I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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