I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The best revenge is premature balding
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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