Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
