why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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