Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
