Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize